Dear Pinterest...

Friday, December 28, 2012

We are NOT friends. You make me spend hours upon hours looking at all your amazing crafts, stylish outfits, and delicious recipes. Well guess what? 9 times out of 10 the things I pin turn out to be a pile of crap. Lets start with my dinner tonight. I found what seemed to be an amazing pumpkin soup recipe. I was so excited to come home after working all day and make this dish because it sounded yummy and seemed super easy to make. I followed the directions exactly (minus the bacon bit toppings, how do I not have bacon in my house?), and the end result even looked tasty.

I added the cheese and shallot topping, got situated on the couch and went in for my first big spoonful of heavenly pumpkin soup. The next thing that happened was a little unexpected. My taste buds started dancing and I couldn't shovel the next spoonful in quick enough. Siiiike, I'm totally kidding about that last part. It was so disgusting, bland, flavorless and I wasn't sure if I should swallow it or spit it back out into the bowl. I decided to swallow it because that's what ladies do (please, no dirty thoughts.) and promptly went and threw away the rest of the soup. Thanks a lot for ruining my dinner pinterest!

Next let's talk about those outfits! Oh how cute they are! I've come to learn though that 1 out of 10 of them might actually look somewhat decent on me. Guess what pinterest, like every other woman out there, I have ((boobs)), and God has blessed me with some big ones! So you know what that means? Stripes? no way they make me look 3 feet shorter and 50 pounds heavier. Polka dots? HA! Oh and those half off the shoulder shirts? That's only cute on no-tits-tina who can pull off not wearing a bra (yes, I am jealous of tina). I know what you stylish people are thinking.. Just wear a strapless bra. Well stylish Suzie, you are clearly Tina's sister and don't know that those strapless bra's only pull my girls down past the equator, and who wants to look at that?
No one. That's who.

And lastly, let's talk about those DIY crafts. These are my favorite to pin. I always have such high hopes of spending the afternoon pretending to be a stepford wife , crafting away, while that prize winning pot roast cooks slowly in the crock pot (Yah that pot roast sucked too!!).  Take for example those spray painted wine bottles with the hot glue gun letters written on them. I already had all the crafts I need for this one and I just love an excuse to drink some wine. After finishing off the wine I looked on pinterest for a way to take labels off without a fight. I found what sounded to be the best remedy and let them soak. When they were done soaking I went to wipe away the labels, hoping the label would come off just as easy as pinterest has said. Guess what? Pinterest lied again. I practically had to get a sand blaster out to get those puppies off! After that fiasco I went on to hot glue my letters on the bottle, and whoever that lady is that writes calligraphy with a hot glue gun must be some kind of Martha Stewart God. It's hard to write with a hot glue gun and in the end the bottles covered with strings of hot glue. After the hot gluing was done I proceeded to spray paint the bottles. I have two things to say about this. Don't spray paint in a tiny apartment. And they looked like crap.

So Pinterest, you can keep your soccer mom website and all it's lies! You are a LIAR and you are NOT my friend!

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