Four eyes and big thighs!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

I have not written a whole lot lately. Mainly because I don't know what to write about. I think it is the lack of wine in my life... but whatever. Since I was in a funk I thought I would read some of my favorite bloggers bloggy blogs ( you like that technical term?). However the inspiration I was looking for was lacking. Don't get me wrong, I was inspired, to go shopping. But as far as something to write about, it wasn't that helpful. Half the blogs I read are from these cute little girls doing "outfit post". They're all like "look at me and my cute sweater and leggings". And I'm all "Heyyy, I'm wearing pajamas with Christmas trees on them still". True story. Lets be real here, who actually packs pajamas in their "Christmas box" for storage. Not me. It will be Christmas in July for this gal.

I have no plans on giving up my holiday p.j.'s anytime soon, but I am making a few changes around here (hence the lack of wine). It has become far too easy to stop by taco bell and grab some dinner than to come home and cook myself something healthy. That stops now. I went to the store yesterday to by some groceries (all healthy!). I'm not really sure which is worst for my health. Killing my organs with fast food or selling them on the black market to afford healthier alternatives. No wonder people are obese now a days. I spent 90 dollars on food just for me. Ninety dollars on food that in reality doesn't taste that good. Not the snacks any ways. Eventually I will grow to love it (right?). Goodbye thunder thighs and keg belly (that I rightfully earned), you are not a good friend to me any longer.
That sure is a small amount of food for the price!

Breakfast smoothie. Would have been better if I remembered the peanut butter!
It sure is going to be hard watching the lion king and not eating a whole vanilla pudding pie while doing so ;-).  I guess that is just what happens when you are not 19 years old any more. No what else happens when you are not 19 years old any more? You go blind. Just kidding. But your vision does start to go down hill. It did in my case anyways. I've always taken great pride in the fact that my sisters had to wear glasses and I didn't, but as of today I am officially a member of the "Four eyes" committee (don't start laughing too soon dear sisters, my boobs are still bigger than yours). That being said, my back hurts and I'm old, so it is off to bed I go. Good Night.
Glasses because I'm old. Duck face because I think I'm young.


I like it, I love it.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

I didn't post my valentines blog post. I wrote one. I actually wrote 2. But I never really finished them. It's not because I was sad my husband was gone on this day. It's because I just don't give a crap about that holiday. My husband and I have never really celebrated this day. We just celebrate each other when ever we feel like it. If we want to go out to a nice dinner, we do. If we want a spontaneous fun trip, we take it. That's how its always been. It might change a little when we start having children, but I imagine the spark of it all will always be there.
how I spent valentines day!
Since I'm on the topic of love, lets talk about the first love I ever had. I remembered about that handsome man when my mom called to tell me he was on the Ellen Degeneres show (I love Ellen!). That man she was calling to tell me about was Tim Mcgraw. That man is so, so, so damn sexy! He is like fine wine, he just gets better with time. I'm not sure when my obsession started with him, but I know I was young.Instead of cutting pictures out of bop magazine of NSYNC and BSB, I was stealing my mothers people magazines and cutting pictures up of good ol Tim. What concerns me now isn't that my mom called me to tell me Tim was on t.v., but that she wasn't concerned her 10 year old daughter had a huge crush on a MAN twenty years older than herself.  Maybe because my dad is 13 years older than her she thought this was acceptable? I feel like at 27 its acceptable to have a crush on a man 20 years older, but not at 10! Thanks mom, you're lucky I'm not married to a man your age. I guess I turned out OK after all...

I guess its really a big surprise anyone my age has turned out some what normal. I mean who DIDN'T have a lucky rabbits' foot when they were little. (again, Really Mom?) How disgusting is that we used to beg our parents for a multi colored, dead, animal foot. My husband told me he used to love to scratch his arm with the claws (Really Taylor?). Maybe this is whats wrong with society today. "Mom, plllllease give me a rabbits foot to scratch my arm with, and a slap bracelet to torment my sister with?". I feel like the odds were against us from the beginning. Cheers to all of us that turned out some what normal!
My friend bought me this faux rabbits foot while in alaska. No claws, but still pretty cool!

Who am I kidding? That old man Tim and rabbits foot screwed me up for life...

The vampire and a "fine".

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

When I came out of the grocery store tonight I noticed there was a "fine" on my windshield. Being the paranoid person I am, I drove back to my work parking lot before getting out to see what was on my windshield. Turns out some asshole doesn't like the way I drive.
This would be fine had the person actually seen my driving, but I drove a whole twenty feet from work to the grocery store. I hardly think hitting a pedestrian on 3 different occasions, 2 fender benders, and a wreck involving a vampire qualify me as a "mentally handicapped driver". RUDE.
 My first car was quite the trooper with over two hundred thousand miles on it. That little honda and I had been through a lot together. Road trips with my besties to no where. Cruising the bash in high school ( which meant riding up and down a road called wabash for hours on Friday and Saturday night, I was pretty cool back then). I even dragged a deer down the highway in that car (well not really, turns out the deer just popped my tire and that dragging noise was the rim of my tire). That car and I were going places. No literally, we were running errands when her life came to a tragic end.  Some guy pulled out in front of us and there just wasn't enough time slow down. I t-boned the other car, and my baby popped her little air bags in one last attempt to protect me. She was sweet like that. After discovering both myself and the other driver were OK, we called the cops and stood on the side of the road waiting. When the battery life on my nokia died from entertaining my self with snake, I decided I would strike up a conversation with the other driver. He had this long curly hair that hung to his shoulders.
Me: I like your curls (I'm real awkward like that)
Driver: Thanks I like your straight hair (awesome, he's as cool as I am).
Me: Thanks
Driver: I like to straighten mine. It makes me look more like a vampire.
Me: A what?
Driver: A vampire
Me: Ooooh.

At this point I decided to wait on the other side of the street. Clearly he was no Edward Cullen or he would have prevented this whole wreck from happening. The cops finally came. Even the K-9 unit showed up, which seemed to make Dracula pretty nervous. At the end of the day my car was towed back to my house and I never drove her again. RIP honda, RIP.
This isn't my actual car, but slap a trashy butterfly sticker on the back and you get the picture.
I just wish what ever jerk face kid left that "fine" on my car would have marked "parking like a jack ass", because that would have made a whole lot more sense....

Holy Shat Crackers! (Part 2)

Saturday, February 2, 2013

As Saturday rolled around, Bean was finally starting to feel better, just in time for our pub crawl for Amanda's birthday. We decided to start the day with lunch at Sweet and Savory, mainly because they have the best bloody marys! This was actually our second trip there; the first time was actually for the food, not the booze but whatever.

After we drank lunch we headed over to Amanda and Elizabeth's house to have a little pre-game session before we headed downtown. We started at the Husk for our pub crawl (we only made it to two bars for our "pub crawl", another sign of getting old…). We met up with a few other girls and one pretty cool dude to hang out with all that estrogen. At the time taking shots was the best decision we had ever made (I would later regret that decision). After spending a few hours at the husk (ooo about that pub crawl..) we decided we were hungry and made our way to the next (and last) stop on our bar crawls. We went to hell's kitchen and ordered some serious fried food. I wish I could tell you more about this, but as I said before, shots seemed like a good idea at the time. And that is all I'm going to say about that… Ooo look, pretty pictures...
Let's talk about Sunday and the grand idea we had that day. Since Miss Breanna was on a family free vacation we thought she needed (and I can always use an excuse) to get pampered. I called a couple of spas and everyone was booked. I did finally find a place that had two openings. The only catch was that the massages were by men. Breanna and I both have had massages by men before so no big deal, we reserved our spots and headed on over. When we arrived we were a little early so we helped ourselves to some hot tea in the waiting lounge. We took about 3 sips before we realized we were being taunted by that damn ginger root again. Don't get me wrong, I like ginger, in moderation. If it's burning my tongue, you may have used too much… I'm just sayin. After a short wait that we used for picture opportunities we were called in for our massages. As I was getting undressed to lie on the table it hit me. I FORGOT TO SHAVE. Have you ever had a massage before? Do you know how incredibly embarrassing and awkward this situation can be? Let me assure you, peeing your pants in public is probably less painful. In my defense I was slightly hung over and not thinking properly. Once I laid down and got all covered up, my masseuse came back in the room. I decided it was best to warn that poor sap what was about to go down. The whole thing was relaxing minus the part where my legs were massaged. I promptly asked the masseuse if he was bleeding when he was done with my legs. He said no, I think he was just being nice.
Monday was a little bitter sweet. For Breanna that is (I was just bitter ;-) ). It was her last day here and I know she hated to leave me (I'm pretty cool), but she really missed her little family (they are cooler than I am). We decided to spend our last day together at the beach. We had lunch on the water at a restaurant called the oceanic. It was still a little chilly out, but from behind the window of our ocean front view it seemed like a beautiful summer day. After lunch we headed down to the water to take the standard beach pictures. We walked around for a while, collecting sea shells for her son. After the beach it was time to say goodbye. I'm so glad I got to spend some time quality girl time with that nugget. I needed it.

P.S. I'm taking applications for my next visitor…

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