Dear Pinterest...

Friday, December 28, 2012

We are NOT friends. You make me spend hours upon hours looking at all your amazing crafts, stylish outfits, and delicious recipes. Well guess what? 9 times out of 10 the things I pin turn out to be a pile of crap. Lets start with my dinner tonight. I found what seemed to be an amazing pumpkin soup recipe. I was so excited to come home after working all day and make this dish because it sounded yummy and seemed super easy to make. I followed the directions exactly (minus the bacon bit toppings, how do I not have bacon in my house?), and the end result even looked tasty.

I added the cheese and shallot topping, got situated on the couch and went in for my first big spoonful of heavenly pumpkin soup. The next thing that happened was a little unexpected. My taste buds started dancing and I couldn't shovel the next spoonful in quick enough. Siiiike, I'm totally kidding about that last part. It was so disgusting, bland, flavorless and I wasn't sure if I should swallow it or spit it back out into the bowl. I decided to swallow it because that's what ladies do (please, no dirty thoughts.) and promptly went and threw away the rest of the soup. Thanks a lot for ruining my dinner pinterest!

Next let's talk about those outfits! Oh how cute they are! I've come to learn though that 1 out of 10 of them might actually look somewhat decent on me. Guess what pinterest, like every other woman out there, I have ((boobs)), and God has blessed me with some big ones! So you know what that means? Stripes? no way they make me look 3 feet shorter and 50 pounds heavier. Polka dots? HA! Oh and those half off the shoulder shirts? That's only cute on no-tits-tina who can pull off not wearing a bra (yes, I am jealous of tina). I know what you stylish people are thinking.. Just wear a strapless bra. Well stylish Suzie, you are clearly Tina's sister and don't know that those strapless bra's only pull my girls down past the equator, and who wants to look at that?
No one. That's who.

And lastly, let's talk about those DIY crafts. These are my favorite to pin. I always have such high hopes of spending the afternoon pretending to be a stepford wife , crafting away, while that prize winning pot roast cooks slowly in the crock pot (Yah that pot roast sucked too!!).  Take for example those spray painted wine bottles with the hot glue gun letters written on them. I already had all the crafts I need for this one and I just love an excuse to drink some wine. After finishing off the wine I looked on pinterest for a way to take labels off without a fight. I found what sounded to be the best remedy and let them soak. When they were done soaking I went to wipe away the labels, hoping the label would come off just as easy as pinterest has said. Guess what? Pinterest lied again. I practically had to get a sand blaster out to get those puppies off! After that fiasco I went on to hot glue my letters on the bottle, and whoever that lady is that writes calligraphy with a hot glue gun must be some kind of Martha Stewart God. It's hard to write with a hot glue gun and in the end the bottles covered with strings of hot glue. After the hot gluing was done I proceeded to spray paint the bottles. I have two things to say about this. Don't spray paint in a tiny apartment. And they looked like crap.

So Pinterest, you can keep your soccer mom website and all it's lies! You are a LIAR and you are NOT my friend!

My Pet Camel

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

One holiday down, only 6 more to go until the husband comes home! I think that Christmas will probably be the most significantly hard one with out him. It's not like we haven't been apart for Christmas before, the last 5 years we have been apart on Christmas almost every year, but we always had "our own Christmas" together on a different day. It was a little boring opening presents up by myself, although I did enjoy all my goodies! Stella even got some toys too!
Happy girl!

The best gift I received yesterday was an e-mail from my husband! It didn't say much, but still meant the world! I have given Taylor strict instructions to find me some really cool and unique gifts while overseas. Please keep in mind this is the same guy that ordered a troll's belly button (he claims its a rare gem) off the gem shopping network (who knew this show exist?). With that being said, I should have known better than to ask for something "unique". My husband has just informed me that he bought me a camel. A CAMEL. I'm just as confused as you are, I even asked him what a camel was. I was thinking maybe it was code for a new pair of diamond earrings or something. Nope, when he says camel he means camel. I still am uncertain as to what form I will receive this camel in. Is it a stuffed animal? Is it like one of those "adopt a camel" programs? I just don't know. All I know is that it's a girl, and Taylor wants to name her Sheila.  I also know that if I have to name my pet camel Sheila, or take her out for walks, those are two very big deal breakers right there. Oh hey neighbors! Just walking my camel Sheila. That's not awkward at all...
My husband riding camels in Morocco. This is when his love of camels began.

I hope you all had a very merry Christmas and I hope Santa brought you something as cool as a camel. I highly doubt that last part though!

I don't wanna keep busy!!!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

It's only been 2 weeks since husband left and time has seemed to stop. It's not even going by painfully slow, it has just completely stopped. How is that possible? Oh I know, it's because I'm not doing anything to keep myself busy! Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm sitting around on the couch all the time (ok maybe a little more than I should..), but I don't want to do anything. I am respectfully referring to this month as my pity party month. I'm ok with that and I don't care what anyone thinks about it! Next month I will be super busy so maybe time will fly by then.

People amaze me with their kind words towards my husbands deployment. Truly, they do, but I always feel like a Debbie downer when I tell people my husband just left for a year. They go from looking seemingly happy to heartbroken instantly. And by the end of it I'm trying to comfort them and let them know all is well and were gonna be ok! Stay strong my friends! To prevent this happening in the future I've decided to make up stories as to why my husband isn't around. These are just a few.
  • He's actually a rapper named snicka and is on tour for the next year.
  • He went to prison for being a drug dealer.
  • Turns out he was an escapee from Idaho, back on the run!
  • He's returning his mail order bride back to Russia and its a lengthy process.
  • He signed a one year contract with Chippendales and is out shaking it in Las Vegas.
  • He is a professional mushroom hunter (not the ones that make you trip!) and he's on a business trip.
  • He has been abducted, the ransom note was too demanding. I'm convinced they will return him after spending enough time with him.
  • He is Victoria Secrets new angel and the runway calls.

I think people's reactions will be much more pleasant with a story like these, don't you? I can't take all the credit for these ideas. My good friend Biz helped me out.
Thanks Biz!
Another thing you might want to know is, the world didn't end. I know this comes as a shock to some, but yep it's true, we're all still here! I wasn't worried, but I may have in fact went and stayed with some friends of mine, just in case it happened because I was terrified, I mean just to reassure them nothing was going to happen, they were worried ya know..
And since the world didn't end, I should probably start buying Christmas presents. Sorry about that family, you'll be receiving our gifts late, seeing that tomorrow is Christmas Eve!
Ahhhh! Look at that, time is moving a little quicker than I thought!

Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa,

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Lets talk about the joyous things I would like you to bring me this year. First things first, please take note that I have been a very good girl. I didn't even get so wasted face drunk this year that I slept walk. That should speak volumes of my good behavior. Just saying. Also, to earn a few brownie points before Christmas, I'm going to be very unselfish and NOT ask for Channing Tatum. I know lots of women have already asked you for him, and since he is only one man I'll let you divide that gift among all those other women. You're welcome Santa. Now that you have taken note of my good deeds, I'd like to tell you what I would, in fact, like this year.

Lets start with Michael Buble drawing me a hot bubble bath, with candles and red wine. As I soak up the relaxation he will perform my very own private concert. Starting with his Christmas album and leading up to the grand finale of his hit "just haven't met you yet". That will clearly be the last song in this concert because it will be the last time he ever sings that song (Because now we have met!).
mmm yeah that will do..


Next up I would like every Disney movie made. The more princesses' the better. Yes, I am five years old. Yes, this is a real request, and it may be the only reason I want children. I won't look so creepy going to the movies if I have wee little one to drag along with me. And singing along to every word will finally be looked at as cute, rather than extremely obnoxious. Maybe not. I'm still going to sing regardless.  
Can I be a princess too?
And last, but not least. I would like you to take all of the batshit crazy mothertruckers in the world and put them somewhere special. Somewhere where they can torture each other and the rest of us will never have to suffer from their presence again. Please be sure to only to take the bad batshit crazy ones, and not the good ones (I would really miss my friends...).
Lots of love Santa!
P.S. I was going to ask you to bring my husband home but I didn't want to push it..
P.P.S. I'm leaving you a cheese plate and wine instead of cookies in milk. You are welcome. 

Last friday night!

Monday, December 17, 2012

After the tragedy that occurred in Connecticut Friday morning, my heart is heavy. Like many, I just don't understand why. It's so upsetting to me, I can't even wrap my head around the feeling of having a child and hearing this. I know after speaking with some friends, they had a really hard time sending their children to school today, and rightfully so. Those poor babies were robbed of their futures, as well as the heroes who died trying to protect them. May they rest in peace, all of them.

The absence of my husband seems so minuscule after the events that happened Friday morning, it could be much worse. Nonetheless, I truly appreciated being invited to my husbands Christmas party Friday night, even though he is overseas. Our Coast Guard friends are so much like family. I am so blessed to have such an amazing support system here. It's always a good time with great food, drinks, and company!

Group shot of all the ladies!
My fav roomie!
((Love this lady))
OH, you don't take shots through a straw?
In case that last picture doesn't describe what a good time Friday night was, let me assure you, it was!
The rest of the weekend was full of thrift store shopping, a Delicious lunch at Indochine, and catching up with some old friends that came in town!
Stella had an exhausting weekend playing video games..
And now to finish the weekend off and start the week the best way I know how, With a log of cheese!


It's not gonna take itself out

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

I'm referring to the trash. Did you know the trash doesn't take itself out? The dishes don't put themselves away, and the laundry doesn't fold itself (just to name a few...)? Life without the husband is going to be rougher than I thought. So, after working all day these are some things I decided I was going to have to tackle when I got home. While folding the laundry, I discovered my beloved husbands' favorite pair of jeans. A good wife would head to the post office tomorrow and mail them to him to wear on his days off. Well, I never claimed to be a good wife, therefor instead of mailing them to him I'm going to burn them, take several pictures of this event and send that to him! I know what you're thinking: "Wow Heather you're a real biatch!". Thank you. Before you judge me I want share with you a picture of the husband in these jeans.
((There he is, second from the right...))
I joke, I joke. That's Zack Morris from saved by the bell. Remember that show from the 90's? Good. Because right after the taping of this episode Zack gave those jeans to my dear husband, and he's been wearing them ever since. Now, don't you agree, those jeans should be burned and than I should bury the ashes? I thought so.
After the laundry was done I went to put it away its respectful place. The suitcase I've been living out of for the last two weeks.
That's right husband. You left and there was no one here to tell me it was time to unpack. So I didn't! Boy, do I love being an adult sometimes. But it is getting a tad obnoxious so I will put this on my to-do list for tomorrow. As for now I gotta go.. FIRES READY! ;-)

Name that boy band

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

While Taylor boarded a 14 hour flight to Bahrain, I headed over to my friends' house for a dance party. I can't lie, I think I was more nervous for husband to fly that far than he was. I figured the best way to calm my nerves was to have a girls night in with some of my favorite ladies.
How adorable are they?
I would take sitting outside on the porch all night long, playing Skip-bo, drinking a couple of beers, and laughing with these ladies over going out to the bars any day of the week. Last night we expanded our extra curricular activities a bit. That included eating mexican pizza, a dance party, and naming all the members of NSYNC, BSB, AND 98degrees (not very successfully I might add).
And someone thought chugging a glass of wine through a straw was a good idea.
We keep it classy folks.
After last night I learned that I am the WORST dancer in the world, it was painful to watch myself, I can't imagine how my friends felt. I also learned Taylor made it safe and sound to Bahrain (Thank you Jesus!) and was getting settled in. He went out to dinner and you know what he had for his meal in the Persian Gulf? PIZZA! Only my husband would do that, he could live off pizza, I swear. The time difference is gonna be pretty crazy but I'm sure we will manage. Goodnight for now, or good morning depending on where you're at...

No shave november?? No shave the next year...

Sunday, December 9, 2012

OK, so I'll probably shave once or twice the next year, but let's be honest.. this may be the only upside to Taylor leaving for a WHOLE YEAR! Taylor left today and it was ROUGH. Not only because we're old and we were on day number 2 of our hangover, but because I am going to miss him horrendously. That last part probably goes without saying, but you know...

We celebrated Taylor's last weekend here with some of the most amazing friends anyone could ask for. We started our Friday night by going out to eat with our old roommates(who over the years have became family to us!) and their newest, most handsome, addition to the family, baby Connor. I picked the restaurant and I probably won't be allowed to pick another one for a while. It was not the worst, but certainly was not the best either. After dinner, we headed downtown for some adult beverages, where we met up with some more amazing people. We sat outside all night on the patio of some bar, around an awesome fire pit, laughing and enjoying each others company.

On Saturday, Taylor and I were both a little fragile. We had planned on getting all dressed up, having dinner at some 5 star restaurant, drinking wine and eating a cheese plate. After Friday night, the only thing that sounded good about this plan was the cheese. So we opted for a local sandwich shop where I had a grilled cheese and tomato soup, Taylor ate a salad. The rest of the night we lounged around on the couch. I made some chili and we rented the odd life of Timothy Green. We also sat on the couch and cried like babies.. ( He may kill me for writing that....).

I dropped my sweet husband off at the airport this morning and decided the best thing for me to do was to take a nice long nap, and go see a movie. So that it what I did. Now, if you don't mind... I'm going to self-medicate myself with this...

Dear Diary...

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Err... I mean blog. Well right now you're more like a diary because, no one has seen anything I have written to you, YET! (minus whomever it is that has stumbled across this blog on accident.. my apologies to you..) I have decided I need to make sure I'm gonna stick with this before I tell anyone. That being said, once I have written a consistent amount of post, I will share this little gem of a diary (whoops, blog!) that I've created... Now that I'm talking to virtually no one about writing to no one in particular.. I'll move on..

Handsome husband hard at work..
That good lookin man is one of the main reasons I started this blog. Next week he is deploying for a whole year. ( Yes you did read that right : 1 YEAR). While, we have been apart before, this will be the longest, as well as his first time overseas. He is a member of the US Coast Guard. While I couldn't be more proud of him I'm going to miss him like crrrrrraaaaaazzzzyyy! This blog is just another way to communicate with him, as well as keep myself busy.
A few nights ago Taylor and I went out to eat with one of our favorite couples here in NC. I was talking with my friend Kimberly and she suggested I write a blog post for ever day that Taylor is gone. 365 blog post. Little did she know, I had already started this little gem of a project. Obviously this statement was sarcasm because I'm not that committed to anything. Not even wine. or cheese. And boyyy do I love cheese.. and wine.. it's a problem..
There you have it... this is my goal/ reason behind blogging. Now if you'll excuse me diary (damn, I mean blog), I'm going to go get in on this snuggle session!!!

Free Blogger Design Made By The Dutch Lady Designs