Akward Moments...

Monday, April 1, 2013

I'm really good at them. It started when I was younger and my dad brought home a very wealthy, very successful CEO friend of his for dinner. I put on my best private school girl behavior. When this man asked what I liked to do for fun I decided to show him. And right there at the dinner table, as my parents crawled under it, I proudly burped the ABC's for this man. In case you are trying to picture this, please add the afro-puff bangs to your imagination. Two points were awarded to my extremely quiet sister Jennifer that night...

my permed bangs were gettin it during kickball!
I've always been quite the performer...
Then there was that one time in class when the teacher asked me to come down from my back row seat (it is where I did my best napping learning) and do a chemistry problem on the blackboard. I stood up and started down the stairs (it was held in a lecture hall), after about two steps I lost balance and somersaulted all the way down the rest. I stood up, completely mortified, and walked directly back to my seat without making eye contact with anyone. The teacher promptly called on someone else and no one said a word to me... AwKwArD.
as if highschool is not awkward enough... I decided looking like ermagherd girl was a good idea

Another good one was when I had been out to the bar and might have possibly had one too many shots. On the way home I instructed my girlfriend to pullover or I was going to projectile vomit all over her car. In between my puke session I asked for a napkin. My friend handed me what I thought was a napkin and I started to clean myself up. Except there was a slight problem. The napkin she handed me was stuck to my face. Turns out she didn't have a napkin, so she improvised, she handed me a maxi pad. I'm sure this is a moment my parents would be proud of.

And lets talk about that time I was on my second date with my now husband. We were walking into his house to watch a movie. He lived in the epitome of a bachelor pad. I'm honestly not sure how many people were actually living in this house, but I do know someone had turned the front porch into a bedroom and was living out there (no joke).  Anywho... we parked in the alley full of potholes and started walking through the jungle  backyard. I was trying really hard to concentrate on not tripping over the sorry excuse for stepping stones, also known as cynder blocks (side note: I may have been drinking, please at least pretend to be shocked.), and that is when it happened. I *tooted*, it happened, there was no turning back, and it was so loud, there was no denying it either. I just kept walking and hoped he hadn't noticed. We went in and watched our movie and then I went home. The next day he actually called me, so I assumed I was in the clear and he had missed that little ugly pass of gas. We have been married for almost three years now and it is his favorite story to tell to people. Turns out, he was just being nice..
our first picture together
Oh, and then sometimes, awkward things happen at work. I had been referring to one of our regulars for almost a year as the "lifetime serial killer", lifetime for short. I know, I know, it was not a nice thing to do, but it was true. He had that "really good looking, look at me I'm wearing a suit and want to put you in my basement" look going for him. I of course never called him this to his face, I just stared at him from a far (OK, maybe I'm the creepy one). Then one day I went to refill his ice tea or something and he looks at me and says "aren't you the one that refers to me as the lifetime serial rapist?".  Holy awkward. At this point I didn't know what to do. I panicked and did what I thought seemed right. I corrected him and told him it was serial killer, not rapist, and promptly looked at his real name on the credit card sticking out (hey, if he was gonna come after me I should at least know his real name). Thankfully he told me is was step up from what he is normally referred to and it has been painfully awkward every time I've seen him since.
this is a stupid picture but whatever..I'm tired and it works... kind of...

This is just a glimpse at how incredibly awkward I can be. Stick around and I'll share some more...


  1. Technically it was a napkin...a feminine napkin. LOL.

  2. permed bangs, I just can't get past the permed bangs.

    1. I clearly thought I was going to start a trend... I thought wrong..


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