I Must Confess

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I must confess some secrets, because I have nothing better to write about. My first confession: I am a slob. Don't get me wrong, I love a clean house, I just don't want to be the one to clean it. I miss my husband more and more every day... because every day my house becomes more and more cluttered. I'm not saying I live in a dirty bachelor(ette) pad house, I'm just saying the amount of dishes in my sink is embarrassing; especially if you consider the fact that I have a dishwasher (it's full of clean dishes I'm too lazy to put away...). I read somewhere that if you don't vacuum your house twice a week then it is not a clean house. Well if that is the truth, so be it. I clean a little here and there each day, but my devoted day is usually Tuesday. I wanted to remind my husband of this the other day and this was his response.
My next confession: not only is my house dirty (according to the vacuum Nazi), so is my language. I curse like a sailor. It's really quite lady like of me. OK maybe not. I try to blame this damn potty mouth on the fact that not only did I live with my sailor of a husband, but for two and half years I lived with one of my husband's coastie co -workers (and his wife). To be honest though, those two have nothing on my sailor mouth. The real blame is waiting tables for far too long and having to deal with the everyday public. That's right assholes! I blame all you ignorant eater-outers who don't know the proper etiquette of going out to eat!! (Confession #3 : I'm a scapegoat!)

Remember that childhood show "Are you afraid of the dark"? Even though that show has not been on for years, the answer is still the same. Yes, YES I am afraid of the dark. I'm 27 and being alone in the dark scares me. My husband got so fed up with me having to have the TV on every night, he bought me a night light. The night light is still plugged in, but the TV stays on, just for background noise, ya know? One night at work, after we were closed, I was waiting for my friend to finish up her paperwork. I told her I was going to use the restroom and I would meet her at the door for lock up. She apparently didn't relay this message to the rest of the closing crew. As I'm sitting there taking my sophisticated tinkle, it turns to pitch black. Panic immediately sets in and I scramble to pull my pants up. Since I only flush the toilet with my foot in public I decided to skip this step because it was so dark I was worried I might actually end up in there. Of course I chose to use the stall with the sticky door. Not only can I not see two inches in front of me, I can't figure out how to get out of this damn, dark restroom. Eventually I came barreling out (cursing the whole way), to be greeted by my co-workers responsible for turning off the lights. They were surprised to see my coming out of the restroom as they were on their way home.Apparently my friend didn't relay the message to them that I was still in the building. Since it is policy to leave as a team, I informed them no one was going anywhere until I washed my hands (it was the least they could do since they scared the shit out of me.).
It is perfectly normal to be afraid of the dark.. at 27..

Oh the list of confessions could go on and on, but I've been told I tend to over share. So I will end it on that note for now!

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